[Private]
He wants to see me again. After months of avoiding me, Santiago finally wants to see me. How one can avoid each other in this castle still baffles me, but he managed to do it. The question is why? Why was he to busy to spend time with me? Was I not...good? The very idea that I can't please a man sexually is appalling to consider. Of course I'm good. The problem was entirely his, if he was not satsified.
Still, he seemed...genuinely sorry. He said that he missed me. How can I say 'no'? I...I care about him. That very statement alone scares me senseless. The only person I should even be concerned about is Master Aro. I am a personal bodyguard, I shouldn't be privileged to such things as...as love. Do I love Santiago? Maybe. I know it hurt me when he started avoided me. Master Aro was furious that I was hurt, that someone had the nerve to hurt *his* personal bodyguard. Thankfully he did not hurt him. I don't want him injured. Even...even if his absence affected me in ways I am to scared to examine.
Besides, if I were to take anyone as a mate, why NOT Santiago? He understands loyalty to the Masters. He would not make me leave Volturi. He would not be so foolish and stupid as Eleazar was to leave with his mate. No, Santiago would be a fine mate to take if I were to ever take one. He understands.
How vile. I never thought I'd be brought down by such emotions. How the mighty fall.
[End]